#I was in the fucking woods all night
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roylustang · 5 months ago
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I feel less insane than I did a few hours ago but holy fucking shit did things happen
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jackredfieldwasmyjacob · 15 days ago
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there's more than 50 reported deaths (for now)
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1495-gauge · 8 months ago
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there's that fucked up three-eyed thing that lives in the woods. whose turn is it to chase it off again??
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bunabi · 8 months ago
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about 4% of any fantasy game playthrough is just me following little creatures around and watching their animations cycle I fear
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doecrossing · 19 days ago
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The way ppl online play up the mythos abt appalachia annoys the hell out of me. It's to the point where I've seen ppl extend it not only to the cultural + economic area we usually talk abt when we discuss "appalachia", but literally the entire mountain range as far north as Atlantic Canada. It's ridiculous.
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budgiegryphon · 1 year ago
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This year's r/place really fucking sucked, terribly run and an obvious(failed) distraction, but we did get some nice stuff done
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Another bench! 45 communities! Here's the fully planned piece, Quote sadly got added last minute and wasn't visible before blackout.
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Full character list below the cut.
Batter from OFF, Beheaded from Dead Cells, Ori from Ori and the blind forest, Bugs from APICO above Ori, Moon from Outer Wilds next to bugs, Purple guy from FnAF, Mae from Night in the woods, Omori from Omori, Commando from Risk of Rain, Madeline from Celeste above Commando, Engi, Bosco and Lootbug from Deep Rock Galactic, Soul Knight logo below Engi, Tiny Niko on top of Bosco, Sprite Companion from Hyperlight Drifter next to Tiny Niko, Isaac from Binding of Isaac, Chompy from Bug Fables underneath Isaac, Engineer from Factorio, Strabby on Engineer's shoulder, a penguin from Starbound, Junimo from Stardew Valley, Oneshot bulb above Stardew Valley's apple, A router from Mindustry, Keg from sea of thieves, Lamb from Cult of the Lamb sitting on the keg, Monika from DDLC above Lamb, Fishbowl from FSSH, Spooky from Spooky's Jumpscare Mansion, Whiteface and flower from IMSCARED above Spooky, V1 from Ultrakill, The Conductor from Final Station in front of V1's legs, Moth from Sky: Children of the Light above V1, Apollo from Ace Attorney bottom right of V1, Gnome from Everhood, Rivulet on Looks to the Moon from Rain World, Gail from Phoenotopia above Rivulet, Captain Viridian from VVVVVV above Gail, Flowey from Undertale below Looks to the Moon, Grimm from Hollow Knight, Paprika from Them's Fighting Herds above Grimm, Deltarune red heart above Strabby, King Slime in front of Grimm, The Spiral Heart from Grime next to Grimm, Carp from Lisa, Richard Mask from Hotline Miami above The Spiral Heart
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cryptid-catnip · 5 months ago
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callie's list of media that permanently rewired her brain chemistry (in no particular order)
here it is, the list that no one asked for nor wanted, but it's 1am and i'm going insane so here it is
homestuck
worm
mouthwashing
the entire persona franchise
the entire shin megami tensei franchise
just all of MegaTen in general really
class of '09 and the re-up
slay the princess
home safety hotline
hotline miami 1 and 2
jojo's bizarre adventure
the illuminae files
it gets so lonely here
gemini home entertainment
petscop
night in the woods
fear and hunger (haven't played termina yet is it good?)
darkest dungeon
fran bow
The Binding of Isaac
Undertale/Deltarune
The End of The Fucking World
S.T.A.L.K.E.R
ULTRAKILL
Pathologic (I haven't played 2 yet is it good?)
Overland
Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum by Tally Hall
Good and Evil by Tally Hall
Hawaii Part 2 by Miracle Musical
View-Monster by Lemon Demon
Spirit Phone by Lemon Demon
The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance
Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance
a Sharp f Sharp Infinity by Godspeed You! Black Emperor
Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven by Godspeed You! Black Emperor
may or may not add more as i remember shit that my fuckin tired brain forgot
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homopopsie · 3 months ago
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you'll never believe what just took over my life
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parsapuff · 19 days ago
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Who put the entire charmony dove copypasta in my poll come out rn
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twilightprince101 · 2 years ago
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You know, despite Goldie and her bear fam in the Puss in Boots universe saying they're a crime family, I feel that they'd also frequently help out the little guy. Purely because Mama bear wants to
Like, they steal from a rich noble and are swimming in money, but they also come across some people who need money for food or rent and despite Goldie wanting to ignore it and go home, Mama bear gives her the look and Goldie just grumbles as they give away their winnings for the 10th time that day. But all of them still feel accomplished and satisfied
They call themselves a crime family and say they horde all their riches, but in reality they're just giving money to people who need it and also making them a bowl of soup
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just-an-enby-lemon · 2 years ago
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I think what annoys me over Mae Borowski being hated by her issues is the theory of conformity. Mae is a mess and does bad things but ahe mostly does then because she doesn't know better it reads waaay more like a neurodivergent person trying to figure out interpersonal relationships than as someone who just don't care and to hear people summ it up to her being an inconsidered and selfish asshole even tho she is show to care and try her best sucks.
Not only that but it also has the bias of how she has no value cause she is unprodutive. They talk about how she could just find a job even tho she admits herself she would probably not be mentally equiped to hold it and in a lot of moments everyone talks about how the job market is fucked. They say she should never had quitted college without knowing the full story. They blame her for not being equiped to say the full story.
And they even ignore state facts like her very clear political ideologies to portray her as a dumb asshole. She has flaws but she is called out and she is trying. People can't be good and happy over capitalism. It screws their mental health up and in a small city where you have to pay a lot for therapy from an unqualofield general particioner is worse! Mae is fucked up because Possum Springs is fucked up it's the whole freaking point.
And it sounds so damm against everything the game says to just say she should get a job and stop talking to people or to imply everyone secretly hates her. Like god dammit. She has to be better but please just stop.
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antipathy-arsonist · 10 months ago
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🎶whats the moon made of? Meet me there after I'm gone🎶
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revasserium · 1 year ago
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狐と蛍の物語 (the story of the fox and the firefly)
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harrison; 4,064 words; fluff and angst a/n: for @violettduchess and @aquagirl1978's summer days, sultry nights event -- prompt "fireflies" (obviously); i'm also gonna say this counts for my 31 days of au prompt -- reincarnation!au; inspired by hotarubi no mori e and catheryn m valente's deathless and honestly, i'm so proud and happy with this one that i'd encourage you to read it even if you have no idea of the fandom/character. u__u i would love, love, love to know what you guys think!
once upon a time, a long, long time ago, there lived a girl who only danced to the firefly’s light and a fox who could tell nothing but lies.
01.
for as long as you can remember, there’s always been the wood. and it has always been behind your house, it’s leaves and branches foreboding in the winter wind, and somehow less so in the simmer of mid-summer afternoons, when the sunlight dappled light across the soft, forest floor. it isn’t a very large wood, but it’s a wood nevertheless, and deserves all the respect and fear afforded to bigger woods in faraway places. woods that warn of teeth and terrors, woods that hide both dreams and monsters.
you’d been wandering the wood from when you were a little girl, and to you, there’s not a single rock you don’t know, a single tree you haven’t tried to climb. and the forest knows you, as forests do the people who frequent them, and it welcomes you with open arms, it cradles you to its chest, whispers stories into your ears, carves itself open to show you it’s secrets —
“you’re late.”
you crinkle your nose at the familiar voice, letting out a huffing breath as you drop your picnic basket in the middle of the small, sun-lit clearing, taking your time with laying out the checked picnic blanket and two cups and saucers for tea, and finally, pulling out a tray of confections, covered by a thin, linen baking towel.
“no, i’m not! you just want me to think i am so i’ll give you more than half of the sweets.”
a boy settles over the picnic blanket, cocking his head at you before you narrow your eyes.
“well? isn’t that true?”
“ahh… i wonder if it is…” he says, but you can hear the grin in his voice, even through the material of his fox-faced mask, which, after a few more seconds of posturing, he pushes up onto his forehead. he shakes out his milk-tea hair and slates you a poison-ivy grin. you know that grin like you know the woods— and you know the woods like you know the backs of your own hands. better, even, you think sometimes.
because for as long as there’s been the woods, and as long as you have wandered it’s depths, the boy with the fox-faced mask has always been there.
“there were fresh strawberries at farmer’s market today,” you say, setting up the tea service as you nudge the opened picnic basket towards the boy with a foot. he peers in with wide, curious eyes before letting out a soft noise of contentment as he reaches in to pull out a slice of freshly baked strawberry cream cake.
“your grandmama makes the best pastries in the world,” he says, and there’s such sincerity in his voice that for a moment, you almost believe him.
but you nod and take the compliment in stride, “she sure does!”
he digs in with gusto even when you tut that the tea hasn’t steeped properly, but you laugh as he smears a large dollop of whipped cream across his cheeks. you point it out to him with a dainty finger, and as always, you fight the urge to reach over and wipe it off for him. instead, you hold yourself still and sigh as he finally gets to it, smudging a bit into his hair in the process.
“clumsy fox,” you giggle, pressing a hand up to your lips.
“picky girl,” he snipes back, but there’s that full, sated grin on his own lips as he leans back, his elbows propped up on the soft grasses of the clearing.
after a moment of pleasant silence during which the leaves sang on their trees and the grasses swayed beneath the breeze, the boy turns towards you.
“so. no dancing today?”
you turn your head towards him before casting your eyes up towards the still bright blue sky.
“you know it’s not time yet.”
the boy heaves a melodramatic sigh, sound much bigger and larger than his 14-year old body should be able to hold.
“ah… right, right — because you can —”
“— only dance by the fireflies’ light — yep!”
the boy regards you with an imperious sort of look before breaking into a fit of bright, open laughter.
“you’re the strangest girl i’ve ever met!”
“just you saying that tells me it’s not true,” you stick out your tongue at him, even as heat washes up into your cheeks.
the boy shrugs, lying back down on the picnic basket, “i don’t always have to lie, y’know.”
and it’s your turn to regard him with the imperious look, and, a the cock of a singular eyebrow, his lips tug into a lopsided grin. his eyes flash, the color of budding spring.
“liar,” you say, but you’re smiling too as you lie back down to watch the clouds pass.
he makes no sound to correct you.
02.
once, you’d asked him what his name is and he simply shook his head and said —
“call me whatever you’d like.”
“but i want to call you by your name.”
“what’s in a name anyway?”
“uhm… nothing’s in it but…” you’d frowned then, your eight year old mind spinning to try and catch up with this strange, strange question and this strange, strange boy.
“see? so why should it matter what my name is? just… call me whatever!”
but you’d only frowned hard enough for him to roll his eyes.
“fine then — uhm — what’s the name of the current prince?”
you’d blinked, “harry.”
“then call me that.”
“but is that your name?”
“well, now it is.”
you hadn’t been convinced but you liked it better than not calling him anything at all.
“harry, then,” you’d said, smiling. and the boy — harry — had smiled too, slipping his fox-faced mask back in place as he led you further into the forest.
03.
“y’know…” harry says, his voice light as the sun dips beneath the horizon line, leaving behind a blaze of reds and pinks. you turn your head, eyes catching on the shape of him, inked out against the dying light.
“you’re the only person i’ve ever met who’s wanted to be cursed.”
you take a long breath and turn your eyes back up to the bleeding sky.
“well. you’re cursed, and you seem just fine to me,” you try to keep your voice strong, resolute and steady. grandmama had always said that if you keep your voice strong, people are more willing to believe your words. you wonder if that’s why harry’s voice is always soft, always lilting, his words slippery as moss-covered stone.
“yeah, but you can’t even touch me,” he says, and for once, his voice is harsh, his words sharp and hard as broken glass.
“that’s okay though — once i get my own curse, i’ll be able to touch you, right?”
harry fights back the urge to turn, to take you by the shoulders and shake you till you push him away. he wants to scream, to howl at the moon like the mother wolves and the hungry cubs that live in the heart of the wood. he wants to run through the woods, crash into things, climb up the trees and shake off all their branching leaves.
but he can’t, and so he doesn’t.
instead, he turns to look at you and look at you and look at you.
he wonders if it’s a strange thing, to like looking at someone so much, to find something new about a face every single time it’s looked upon — the wisps of hair fallen loose to frame your face from the velvet ribbons holding it back, the curve of your button nose, the dip of your cupid’s bow. he wonders if this is a normal thing, the thick weight of it in this chest, the truth of his curse sitting heavy on his tongue.
“yeah… probably,” he says — and the lie is smooth as milk, sweet as just-spun sugar.
“good. then we won’t have long to wait, hm?”
04.
there’s a story, so you’ve been told, of a fox that lives in the woods — and the fox can tell nothing but lies, lest the truth cut open it’s throat. and when it bleeds, because even monsters bleed (oh especially monsters), it will bleed in blue and silver, which everyone knows is the color of magic.
“but why would telling the truth kill it?” you’d asked, your eyes wide and round as the full-bellied moon.
your grandmama had sighed, rocking you in her lap as the forest outside shivers and shakes with the steps and breaths of creatures unseen.
“that’s what curses do, my sweetest… they’re unfair things, they are. and they don’t like to make a lot of sense.”
and that had been that. she’d moved onto a nicer story, a sweeter story, a story that was not so much truth and mostly lies — because the truth, as your grandmama had said, is sharp and unfair and makes so very little sense.
lies are much, much the better for the makings of stories.
05.
he has never complimented you on your dancing, not even once — not in all the years you’ve been dancing for him, by the light of a million and one fireflies.
you’d been eight when you made the promise, it’s been ten years since then.
and at eighteen, you wonder how many more years it’ll be before the moon or the forest or whatever it is that chooses people to curse will take pity on you.
it’s just after sunset, and you’d just finished your customary sunday afternoon picnic. harry is sprawled out on the picnic blanket, his fox-faced mask lying in the soft, long grasses, an arm thrown over his eyes. you wonder if he’s asleep, though you don’t think you’ve ever seen him fall asleep, not in all the time you’ve known him.
“music, please…” you announce to the clearing, and after a long pause, as if the forest itself is coming to life, the wind picks up — the leaves rustle on their branches, the birds sweep up into a twitter wingbeats and song, the grasses around the clearing hish and hush the thrumming baseline to a music that only you and harry and the forest can hear.
slowly, harry pushes himself up, making a show of rubbing his eyes, and in the darkness you can only see the shape of him.
you don’t see the prickle of tears at the edge of his eyes as he wipes them away.
instead, you close your own eyes and wait.
and wait.
and then — at the first flicker of a firefly’s light, you lift your hands and start to dance.
06.
once, you’d asked him how he’d gotten cursed in the first place.
“it’s a long story,” he’d said.
“i’ve got a long time,” you countered.
he’d crinkled his nose, pursing his lips as the pair of you hopped over a narrow stream, him watching as you teetered on the edge of the water.
“hm… well, if you do something a ton of times in the wood… the wood decides that that’s all your good for, and it becomes your curse!”
you’d blinked up at him from over your shoulder, a soft smear of mud on your cheeks.
“oh… it’s that easy?”
“easy?”
“i mean, to get a curse.”
he’d narrowed his eyes, “why would you want a curse?”
you’d straightened up, pressing your palms down your rather sullied dress.
“because — you said that i can’t touch you cause i’m human, right?”
“uh-huh…” harry had nodded, uncertain of where your child-logic had taken you.
“but other cursed things can touch you, right? like the wolves and the shadows and the queen of ravens.”
harry bit his lips. but you seemed to have taken his silence for consent and happily skipped off further into the forest. he’d never corrected you even as he heaved another world-weary sigh and followed after you. because technically, you hadn’t been totally wrong.
and his curse was only that he couldn’t correct you.
07.
your mind wanders as you begin to dance, and these days, it’s been doing a lot of that — wandering. so your grandmama says that it’s a part of growing up — learning when to let your mind wander and when to reign it back in, hold it on a tighter leash and tell it to wander no more. it’s a blessing to be able to let your mind wander, and so you do.
it’s just that these days, you can’t help but notice that it’s less of wandering and more of… well, a straight-shot descent to a well-known destination. and you know from a whole childhood of actual wandering that if you know the way and you know what you’ll find at the end, then it’s not wandering at all.
it’s just going.
but still, you let your mind go where it wants, and lately, it’s been going and going and going... to harry.
harry and his soul-soft laughter, harry and his knife-edge smiles, harry and his loose, lethargic movements, unhurried and always so certain. back when you were both still children, he’d led you through the forest with nothing but his voice, spouting out random facts that were much too outlandish to be true, and later, when you were both a bit older (and you’d long since memorized every bit of forest there was to memorize), he’d walk alongside you in companionable silence.
you knew his favorite trees, his favorite flowers, his favorite birds and colors, his favorite season, his favorite sweet, his favorite fruit and so many others.
and still, it feels as if you don’t know him at all, even though you’re certain he knows everything there is to know about you.
except…
you spin out on the long grasses, the light of a million and one fireflies dancing across your skin, dancing with you, singing with you as the forest does. and above you, a crescent moon cuts a sinister smile into a lonely, starless night.
years later, you’d wonder if the night had known — if the wood had known (of course, of course it had known, because there are no secrets the woods do not know, no secrets the waning moon doesn’t keep from the sleeping earth), if the entire world had conspired against you and for you that night.
when you finish dancing and the last of the fireflies flicker down to rest on the long, soft grasses, you’re breathless with exertion, luminous with exaltation and drunk on the song of the forest and a million and one lightless stars.
in the middle of the clearing, harry is smiling, you can see it even from here, and for the first time since you’d danced for him the very first time, he brings his hands together and claps.
“that was… beautiful,” he says, and his voice is deeper now, supple and sweet with the night air.
“th-thanks! phew — i really think that might do it,” you say, plopping down on the picnic blanket next to him, spreading wide your arms and staring up at the velveteen sky above you.
08.
once, you’d been told another story, though you don’t quite recall who you’d heard it from. maybe your grandmama, and maybe the old man who sits in the village square after all the longest days of the year, smoking his pipe and telling his stories.
“do you know why the cursed forest creatures can’t touch humans?”
“why?” a village boy had asked before you had the chance to.
“because… if a cursed creature touches human flesh, the cursed creature will die.”
“oh…” you said, clutching your hands to your chest, and you’d never really thought about dying. because really, what ten year old in their right mind would? but you knew of the concept from when grandmama talked about grandpapa — how he was there one day and then the next day he just… wasn’t.
“he died in his sleep,” she’d said, a tone of sadness in her voice that you’d never heard there before and wished you’d never have to hear again, “it was the best way to go.”
you’d wondered then if there’s really such thing as a “best” way to go. wouldn't the “best” thing to be not going at all?
“then… do the cursed creatures get to live forever?” you asked, before the village boy could cut in.
the old man took a long sip from his pipe and blew out a few concentric rings of smokes before coughing and waving it all away.
“no… you see, if the cursed creatures get to pass on their curses, they’d get to be reincarnated into being a human once more.”
09.
“do you… really want to be cursed?” harry asks as the pair of you share in the silence after your dance.
you suck in a long breath before pushing yourself up to sit in front of him, careful to keep your knees from bumping his.
“of course i do! it’s… it’s what i’ve been trying to do since i was like — eight!”
“but… why?” and harry’s voice is small, smaller than you’ve ever heard it, even though now, his eighteen year old body should carry a much heavier, harder sound.
“because,” you say, resolute as you’d always been, “once i’m cursed, i’ll be able to touch you.”
“and why… is that so important to you?”
harry casts his eyes towards you; you catch his gaze with yours, holding it steady. and in that moment, you mind lets go of the story that the old man told you. because it was a long time ago, and the story was so, so far away. and sometimes, the mind chooses which truths it wants to listen to, which truths it wants to believe in.
sometimes, it chooses truths that don’t look like truths from the outside in, but from the inside out — they’re the truest things to ever be true.
like this one —
“because i want to touch you. because… it’s what i’ve wanted since i was a little girl. because… sometimes, i think i want to do more than touch you — sometimes —” your voice catches on a hitched breath, lost somewhere in your chest, somewhere between your heart and your throat.
but then, darkness descends over your vision and it takes you a long moment to realize that you’re staring at the inside of a mask, thin but solid — the fox-faced mask that harry always wears.
and then pressure, and warmth, right where the fox’s dagger-carved grin usually is, so close to your own lips you can feel the heat.
it holds for a long, long moment, and then it’s gone.
the light returns as harry tugs the mask from you, grinning that teasing, lopsided grin of his, though there’s something about it tonight that makes your heart seize.
“tell me, one more time…” he says, and his voice is jagged with something that sounds painful and true and so, so terrible.
“i — i want the curse…” you say, before you really realize what you’re saying, and it takes you a moment to realize that this too, is the truth.
“okay then… it’s yours.”
and he leans in to press his lips to yours.
the truth, harry realizes, is always bitter, and harsh, and much too sharp. when he pulls back, he presses his palms to yours and lets the moon wash the clearing in blue and silver. you gasp as you feel the magic creeping into your bones, tugging you under, dragging you through the cracks in the world even as harry is tugged away from you back to the world of the living.
“w-was this all a lie?” you ask, because inside you, your heart is fighting for it’s last few beats.
“no,” harry says, his voice is pained, and his expression even more so, because every truth he tells cuts him a little deeper, and he feels his throat constrict over the words, “your dance really was beautiful… and…”
he swallows hard, feeling the knife-edge of this one final truth slicing through him, sharp as moonlight, sweet as the lightless stars.
“i love you. please… don’t forget me.”
and already, you can feel the truth starting to hurt, starting to constrict inside you like a curse. but still, you force it from you as harry flickers and fades along with the light of a million and one firefly lights.
“i — i won’t.”
10.
“but how exactly do you transfer a curse?” the village boy asked, his voice loud and jarring.
the old man takes another long sip of his pipe, puffs out a few more smoke rings.
“through a kiss,” he said.
you blinked. a kiss?
“ew!” the village boy recoiled then, shrinking back from the thought of kissing — because that’s what children are taught to do at such grown-up concepts as kissing.
you, on the other hand, you stayed right where you are, but a frown has creased your tiny, child-like brow.
“and the trick,” the old man continues, his smile going wide and a little lascivious, “is getting someone who will take their curse willingly… to accept the kiss.”
01.
for as long as harry can remember, there has always been the wood. and in the wood, there’s always been a girl with a fox-painted mask who danced to the light of the fireflies.
once, when he’d gone exploring (even though his grandpapa had warned him time and time again about going into the wood by himself), he’d nearly run into her and she’d cocked her head when he’d fallen face-first near the bank of a tiny stream, smearing mud across his cheeks.
“you’re strange little boy,” the girl said — and she could be no more than his age, harry thinks.
“and you’re a weird little girl,” he counters, his eyes catching on the bright red of the fox’s painted mouth.
there is magic at work here, harry knows, though he doesn’t know what kind, and all he really wants is to explore the woods behind his house, to know all there is to know of the world, and perhaps — he thinks as you turn and make your way deeper into the forest — to one day hold the hand of the girl with the fox-faced mask.
but that’s a wish for another day, he decides as he follows after you, jogging to catch up and ask for your name.
“ah… what’s in name,” you say, you voice light and languid, even as he frowns, “you can call me whatever you like.”
02.
once, harry had asked his grandpapa what the truest feeling in the whole wide world is.
and his grandpapa had answered —
“that, harry, would be falling in love…”
“falling in love?”
“yes, my dear boy — and the thing about love is that it’s like a curse… but it’s also like a blessing.”
“but… how can a thing be a curse and a blessing?”
then, his grandpapa had smiled, a smile that is starlight and wolfsong and all the secrets the forest ever has to tell.
“because we are doomed to always, always fall in love, my boy — and it will always, always be like handing someone and knife and asking them to cut open your throat.”
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corpsentry · 4 months ago
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black eyes
#my stuff#my writing#mein fucking goat i cannot keep having dreams about my ex and yet it is happening still#this is one of the less remarkable ones even. i’ve had two in the past month where i try desperately to give them a flatscreen tv#and one of those big ones too. like 40 inches across. i don’t own a flatscreen tv#i’ll admit it being in singapore is hitting me like a brick to the balls and i am grievously unwell#it’s like i come back and all the work i put in to deal with my anxiety and depression gets high in the woods and dies#but that’s not the point. the point is devoid of friends (in fucking america) and a hyperfixation (haven’t found anything that’s stuck)#i am full of nothing but yearning. good ol classic yearning. and i am so moved on from my ex but i keep trying to give them this fucking tv#!!!! ?????? huh????????????? mayne got………#a girlfriend or a cat would fix me. or leaving this country take your pick#working on it#i’ve made a to do list to combat my i have lost the will to do things problem#and on it is APPLY TO JOBS (note; outside singapore (note: outside america too))#i have a plan and it’s to get as far away as possible and live#we’re getting there#in the meantime here’s a funny poem#i was so. in the dream i actually wanted to see them which is crazy. top 10 bad fan characterizations#but it was a dream with a good color palette. all cool whites and grays and a deep deep blue for the night#cold cold white snow. etc. so of course i had to write about it#which i have done. and now i am going to sleep#good bye
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butnotbubblegum · 4 months ago
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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simcardiac-arrested · 1 year ago
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honestly don't even remember what happened in 2017 at all, it was a year. that year is no longer.
what the fuck DIDN’T happen in 2017
#fucking cuphead came out. fortnite. little nightmares#FUCKING PUBG#NIGHT IN THE WOODS#LIFE IS STRANGE PREQUEL. WHICH I PLAYED WAY TOO MUCH OF BTW . it was like the second coming of christ to me#hollow knight but i didn’t know about hollow knight back then#ddlc …#slime rancher. and yet another dlc for ark. Back when people still liked playing ark. and by that i mean#nobody fucking liked playing ark. but it’s like stockholm syndrome. you wouldnt get it#FUCKING GANG BEASTS !!!! revolutionary. life changing. and then ? Bendy and the shit machine#anyone remember that ??? anyone remember the wejrdass comic on tumblr that was like bendy and the quest for the ink machine?#I do. I do.#but that’s just games. you know what else came out in 2017? the fucking emoji movie. DO YOU UNDERSTAND#DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEING ON THE INTERNET WHEN EMOJI MOVIE CAME OUT?? You dont. You havent seen what i’ve seen#2017 was the year of shape of you. of despacito. of that’s what i like by bruno mars. Do you understand how insufferable it was being on the#internet while those songs were popular. Have you even watched the 2017 youtube rewind#2017 WAS ALMOST THE YEAR LOGAN PAUL HAD HIS FOREST CONTROVERSY. UNFORTUNATELY HE HAD IT ON LIKE JANUARY 2ND OR 3RD OF 2018#so it’s almost 2017 but not quite#pewdiepie was still popular ….#most important of all? i was a homestuck fan in 2017. I was a fan of many things#much more stuff happened but if i have to think about 2017 for a second longer my brain will fry#cramswering
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